America's Voice

The News Journal makes broad, sweeping statements on serious issues of international affairs. They solve them in one editorial. They’re smarter than you. We make what they’re really saying, a bit clearer.

Finally, the beleaguered negotiators framing Iraq’s new constitution exhaled. [And they were really high] And it’s a good thing too. [They never pass the piece.] The Aug. 15 deadline that the Bush administration was riding them toward [Bush is a cowboy.] risked cementing untenable conflicts into a government compact only to fracture or explode later. [Explode like an Arab with a British subway token.]

Even with another week to work [of which, Bush is vacationing], the decisions to be resolved are huge: the degree of autonomy of ethnic provinces, the role of Islamic religious law, women’s rights and distribution of oil wealth. [What? They’re Islamic? Let’s put #4 at the top please.]

Even with answers on paper [rolling paper], these matters will test civil administrators and courts, as they surely have other more stable nations. [Like the Netherlands, or perhaps, Belgium] The fact that Iraq’s entire civic order is being reconstituted makes consensus and legitimacy now, at the origin, of primary importance. [We need to marry Iraq and make it an honest woman. It’s baby-daddy ran out… illegitimate babies everywhere.]

The American-imposed political time line [Bush is an imperialist bastard] from the national election held in January to select a parliament, then this constitutional draft, then another election in December is meant to vest Iraqis in their own future [and not even a cool vest, a Richard Simmons one], apart from and beyond the foreign occupation that incites insurgents [Please. Save us Cindy Sheehan]. This pressure has asked a lot of Iraq’s disparate politicians treading the labyrinth of ethnic, religious and economic interests, even the risk of assassination. [Pshaw.. death? in Iraq? Get the fuck out of here.]

The United States’ parallel interest has been moving Iraq’s stabilization and reconstruction well enough along so that American troops eventually can pull out. [Because God knows, any other contraceptive method would get the conservatives pissy.] President Bush is a late convert to the efficacy of diplomacy. [Bush is a fucking moron] The American representatives that have airlifted in, including the secretaries of state and defense, did keep up momentum on the constitution. But now push has come to shove. [What? Who is shoving? They have fucking bombs and shit. There’s no shoving there.] The Iraqis cannot be dictated to without confirming suspicions of American intent. [America is evil.]

It would seem that a federalist government among the provinces, recognizing their ethnic or religious differences, is one way forward. [Not treading, but moving now… I see.] Iraqi women accustomed to secular freedom even under dictator Saddam Hussein have few high-level advocates now. [Saddam loved the ladies.] But it would be regrettable if women’s rights to participate in the new society were sacrificed, when all hands and minds are needed to rebuild. [And I’d like an Iraqi woman’s hands on me right now.] The economic importance of the oil fields in the northern Kurdish and southern Shiite areas ideally should benefit the nation as a whole, rather than leverage local power. [Gas prices are high. I want to get drunk off of sweet, sweet petroleum.]

But whatever form is chosen, Iraqis have to do it for themselves, and they obviously need more time. [It’s always harder to do it by yourself.] As for our interests, President Bush has said repeatedly that he will not set a timetable for withdrawing troops. [He likes to wait til just before climax.] He should back off from a political timetable for whipping up an Iraqi government within weeks as well, so long as the work goes on

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